Knowledge is only a rumor until it is in the muscle.
~Papua New Guinea Proverb
I enrolled in an education program.
Now, I love learning so much that I would say that I am one of those people that is most definitely considered a life long learner. I don’t mind learning the bad with the good, and going into strange learning experiences (something outside a classroom, really), but this last one seems weird to me.
I will be attending chemotherapy school. Actually, it is called Chemotherapy Education – but that is pretty much the same thing as going to school to me.
I hear that my final-exam will be fucking brutal and will last fourteen weeks (from first to last). It’s followed by a six and a half weeks of radiation final-exam, which so far seems to have no prep class, it is just a test after you meet with the “professor “.
I also have the pathology report from the last surgery. I have clear margins (Yay!!) but they took out a 2 inch chunk that included a lot of the item pictured below (they removed two chunk, just one had muscle included). It explains why it hurts so much. Granted, there are moments when I only notice a certain heaviness – but then…
Pain – sharp and stinging. With nothing that feels like its impetus to explain it (yes, it is just doing it healing thing). Much like labor pains that kinda leave you breathless and taking deep breaths to work through.
Then, “the cancer” is on the side I sleep on – which makes sleeping extremely uncomfortable and includes propping my side with pillows and not really resting comfortably at all through the night. Thankfully, I know this will pass.
Muscle is a beautiful thing, especially skeletal muscle – just look:
So, I listen to it, and when that electric feeling of my muscle healing itself I try to get quiet, and let the process happen. The waves of nausea this process involves is pretty fascinating too – perhaps it is my body prepping me for chemotherapy?
I was hoping to be an exception and not get a port, but one of the potential agents in my chemotherapy cocktail is so caustic that if I move and a bit drips out it will destroy my muscle. Holy Fucking $hit people, it will destroy my muscle – and I am going to have it in bloodstream – how miraculous is my circulatory system that this chemical that destroys muscle doesn’t do the same? (this is a place where faith starts to come in for me, more on that running dialog in my brain later).
Seeing my surgeon today!