the most massive characters are seared with scars

If so, then I must be YUGE!!!! (to invoke a recent expression to our collective North American vocabulary).

When I got dressed this morning I put on a shirt that carries a small almost imperceptible stain on it. I  got to thinking about the situation when it happened. It seemed like a scar, a reminder so a wound. And because of that, I gently loved the little stain on my shirt.

Scars are pretty awesome, they tell a story. I like to think of them in that Japanese pottery meme a crack filled with gold.

I have scars, the physical kind on my ear lobe, my chin, my eye, my face, my forehead, my wrist, my shoulder, my knee, my foot, and then there is the one on my abdomen (like in the picture below) a bastard child of scars.

I am still reconciling that story, making it something to be proud of…  to feel some gentleness about that line across my skin… I am nowhere near there though. I look at it on occasion and my heart still feels heavy and full of pain. I am trying to get past that, I would hate to have to go through the rest of my life with so heart wrenching a reminder.  It, the scar (maybe I should name it) has found some horrible ways to remind it is there… when I move and have to bend, my panties curl up in the front and rest along the line… a uncomfortable feeling to say the least.  In the midst of a cold day, it can tighten up and feel like it has just tasted lemons… another uncomfortable feeling. In the summer, and especially here in my beloved desert, it tends to pool with sweat and I will get a sweat line on my clothes above it.

It, in reading this post as I write, seems to be like an ill-tempered child, seeking attention. I need to love it, and I am bound and determined to find a way. I should give it a name.

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“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

 

 

 

not conclusions, but beginnings – 366/366

The end is nigh. The end of my doing a post for every day of the year, that is!

King Lear: Cordelia's Farewell by Edwin Austin Abbey
King Lear: Cordelia’s Farewell by Edwin Austin Abbey

Wow, and what a year has passed since I decided to take this project on. I will state, for the record, that it was hard… but had some open and well hidden rewards.

I leaned that…

  • I have things I want to say that should not be constrained by prompt questions.
  • I am sometimes bound by a failure to know how to best put into words that which is mulling in my mind.
  • I can finish something, though it is on my terms.
  • I got some great ideas about how to go about writing the novel I want to write.
  • Some people worried about the honesty of the darker moments I wrote about.
  • I know what things I should try next.
  • Many other things that have slipped my mind

Thank you to all my new friends. I will continue to write here, but at a more comfortable pace that is more dictated by my wants and thoughts and less by the daily prompts.

The very first post is here.

“In literature and in life we ultimately pursue, not conclusions, but beginnings.”
~ Sam Tanenhaus, Literature Unbound

possessions are generally diminished by possession – 365/366

What possession could I not live without?

Allegory of Fortune by Salvator Rosa
Allegory of Fortune by Salvator Rosa

There is plenty of things I don’t want to live without, but I can’t think of anything I am lucky enough to own that is so supremely important that I can’t live without it.

“Even the most beautiful scenery is no longer assured of our love after we have lived in it for three months, and some distant coast attracts our avarice: possessions are generally diminished by possession.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

the overcompensations for misery – 362/366

Am I content?

Il Contento' illustrates an episode in the Spanish picaresque novel ‚Guzman de Alfarache‘, published by Mateo Aleman in Madrid in 1599 and issued in an Italian version in 1606. In the story, the people on Earth worshipped the god Contento (god of contentment and happiness) more than any other. Jealous of this, Jupiter sent Mercury to abduct Contento and replace him with his twin brother Discontento. Elsheimer was the first artist ever to depict this story, but he deviated from the novel by turning Contento into a female goddess. On the left, Jupiter hovers in mid-air while directing Mercury, who is seen wearing his distinctive winged hat and pulling Contento above the devoted crowd. In the background, people enjoy a variety of sports and games, unaware of their imminent `discontentment?
Il Content by Adam Elsheimer

I think I am, I am feeling much more comfortable in my own skin (again),

 

“Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.”
~ Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

any answer at all – 361/366

What am I most grateful for?

That my transition from 2016 to 2017 was gentle and meaningful. I welcomed the new year with people I had only met once before and spent the first day of 2017 with friends from high school… then I stopped at the cemetery to visit my grandfather and I found a Ben’s Bells in the tree right next to his plot. So, I declared kindness to be my theme for the new year.

 

“I pray God it is the answer I want, but if not I will accept any answer at all and try to be grateful for what I had.”
~ Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon