If I were a firm subscriber to the idea that our spouse is our best friend it would be him, but I don’t think a marriage partner is a best friend. Ones spouse is a part of a wonderfully complex relationship that is so much more than just that, friendship. To call my husband my friends just seems so reductionist to me. Though he winds so much in the friendship department, but he is so much more to me.
As for friends, and reliable ones at that… I think it would be my friend John, I have known him since I was a teenager and while full of his own glorious quirks, he has been the most reliable friend I have had. His wife is equally marvelous, but she doesn’t have the test of time that he does… and if there is one thing John is, it is reliable and consistent.
I made grains of paradise crusted steaks with mashed plantain, collard greens & Ginger peanuts (and a chimichurri like sauce). I was through the Blue Apron meal delivery service.
According to my swarm check-in app the store I frequent the most is a coffee shop. Aside from that my main trend is to go to municipalities and school.
If I use other social media check-in data it still hold true though I primarily check in to venues (The junior League and related location being number one) In terms of shopping I tend to go to restaurants.
I will use this as further proof that I am not a shopper. Really, I think it would probably be amazon but I can do that from my own home!
There are many things that contribute to a feeling of aliveness, er being alive.
On the joyous front there are things like;
Seeing my son make progress as a human, his coming to realizations and making connections, getting excited about being a life-long learner
Intellectual conversations with people who question things
The loud silence in my house following a party or event where people had fun
laughter and delight in and/or with my surroundings
Then there are those things from the darker side that remind me I am alive;
pain from my cancer surgery incision site
fear, any kind really
being betrayed by people I care about
being accused of things I have not done
Being alive – for most of my life I would have associated being or feeling “Alive” with that which was hedonistic and joyful… but life is not like that, it is so much more complex. It is as filled with pain and heartache as it is with happiness and joy.
Coming to this conclusion in my 40’s is interesting… in part because when I reflect on the forty some years before I came to this place that recognizes the dark and painful as equally beautiful and the light and joyous is still only filled with light and joy. I think that while I loved my life to this point it had its moments and I wonder where they are at and how come I can’t translate them now that I have had this shift in perspective… where is the ability to realize that the shitty things that happened in my life prior to now are just that… but the truth is that when I think of them, those dark and ugly situations in my life I can’t think of them as dark in terms of then… just in terms of now.
I am in awe at this, that my childhood and young adult life is still filled with joyous wonder and is covered in that pretty light that shines on things that have a sense of perfection… in spite of my new ability to bear witness to the awful, ugly and dark things that happen to humans and yet still be able to embrace them like gifts. That the recollections of the horrid and evil situations of my childhood are not able to influence this feeling…
shit
this is so hard to put into words.
I can’t believe that I still consider myself to have had a light and beautiful childhood, one that is unmarred by things like my parents ugly divorce and being taken advantage of by someone.
In my life now, I would experience these things much differently.
Was I blessed to be such a happy child? I think so, I absolutely think so.
And I think I am incredulous because I am not sure how I feel about this contrast.
I find a comfort in being able, as I am now, to see that which is hard and embrace it as a reminder of my being human.
But how beautiful is it to consider my childhood and see completely through the hard and difficult to the extent is seems to barely exist.
I personally love them, but people make fun of them and the people who like them. It has happened to me, the being made fun of part. But I say people should draw inspiration from where they can, life can be dreary and heavy and dark and any lightness that some words can prove for that is something good.
Anyways, the one quote that I keep coming back to in my life is:
“These are ancient traditions. It is my duty to preserve them”. I saw it in a movie, I can’t recall which now, though I wrote it down when I saw it. It was said by a Tibetan Monk.
I am one of those people who think that rituals are important to humans, that there is a problem now because it is easy to fake them by involving some cultural mis-appropriation. I think meaningful ones don’t need to go that way. But I think this might be another post.
“I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.”
~ Marlene Dietrich
Blair Necessities 