Category Archives: Christmas

Find the beautiful


Find the beautiful

Yes, that…

is my theme for this year.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson  

Finding the beautiful… it is very present in the external. 

But as I navigated just how ugly it was to go through this cancer thing, how easy it was for people to forget that it is my battle, and I had to find myself repeatedly trying to forgive… I lost my place. And I was so hurt by people that I am close to (who are ashamed of my diagnosis, who couldn’t/can’t talk to me about what was/is happening, who took things from me with out asking, who made things harder for me….) that I forgot to stop and find the beautiful.

So, fuck the folks who take away from this… they can live with their choices.

And I am so lucky, because I have people in my life who can help me do that. So, I have to let them in and help me see what I need to see.

I,  am so excited. Because, you see, this year, 2015, I get to find the beautiful.

Yes, that…

is really my theme for this year. 

I can’t wait for this year to be over.

This year.

I am trying to remember the good things, the good times…

but I have to think hard to call them to mind.

I allowed someone with control issues to take Christmas from me. my mother spent most of Christmas Eve in the hospital… and everyone seems to have forgotten that I am still recovering from surgery.

Today is Christmas.

I enjoyed seeing the cousins, being with me husband, son, and brother.

I was glad that I could offer my mom some support as  she lay in bed, feeling miserable. I am not sure I offered any comfort, but I would like to think I helped her feel better.

Please, I get pleasure from the pleasure of others… what beautiful things happened to you this year?