Was I a positive or a negative person
today in the last twenty-four hours?
I feel, at times, like I am trying to crawl out of the darkest space I have ever managed to inhabit. But that is making it more than it really has been, and yet doesn’t quite touch it.
Cancer is a fucking asshole.
I met with one of my oncological providers last week and we talked about how I am feeling. I was told that all of those are completely normal for anyone with a cancer diagnosis to experience. Couple that with the changes (hormonal) that a woman of my age often starts to experience, and you have the crazy state I have been in… of course my mother and aunt’s behaviour hasn’t helped any – but I was told recently by a fellow survivor, that most peoples friends and families act weird – and I want to add as fuck (my words).
I am feeling more hope-full today. It is the Winter Solstice. My favorite days of the year. The moving from the shortest of day (in terms of daylight) and heading back into the sunshine. My grandmother and my son flank the two days that make it up, the old to the new – a true time for change.
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
~ Mark Twain