I hate when the question is random. I am guessing it might refer to the stupid thing I did in the question before last (of these prompts a day for a year thing that I am trying to do).
I have made so many mistakes. Most I don’t regret, some I do. Mostly I regret the times I gave other people my heart and then let them trample it, and did this in spite of the signs that they were not interested in protecting me like I was in them. This applies to past boyfriends (though not all), some female friends, and even some family. All that wasted time on people who are awful.
And maybe most especially to the one person who called me out as a bitch (actually they called me a c*#% among other things) after the repeated giving of mixed messages… mostly about my qualities (lack thereof) as a human being. I left that relationship feeling worthless and absent of faith. I may not have been nice, but I never ever called them the worst of the things that came to my mind in the course of that time. The irony of this failure of a friendship was that I really wanted to care, and there is a part of me that still wants to… but I am just not sure if it could ever happen. I still hear their words of judgement about me when I do things that are not within their scope of reality. I don’t think that makes me a bitch (by that I mean c*#%).
I think I need to listen closely to the quote by St. Frances below…. even if there is a sentence that starts with a preposition.
“Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You are perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that.”
~ Saint Frances de Sales
Mainly because I am in a leadership program that it is based on. Currently, I am listening to Ready Player One (in audio-book form, obvs) with Squink and it is awesome… it is stay in the driveway to finish a chapter and then get in bed and snuggle to listen to some more kind of awesome.
“I grabbed my book and opened it up. I wanted to smell it. Heck, I wanted to kiss it. Yes, kiss it. That’s right, I am a book kisser. Maybe that’s kind of perverted or maybe it’s just romantic and highly intelligent.”
~ Sherman Alexie
I want to say I listened, but there is a part of me that wants to beat me up and say that I listen for shit. So, maybe I should really say neither.
Also, I am going to put this out there. I love snapchat, and I love snapchat filters… but not everyone uses it and I think the pictures are funny. So, I started this tumblr account to chronicle my snapchat selfies; http://mysnapchatselfies.tumblr.com/
As of today, they are all my record of saved pictures. I will try to do at least one picture a day.
Also, the quote today threw me. Cancer is a fucker and the amount of shame I sometimes feel is HUGE… that is so fucked up.
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
~ Brené Brown
I think I posted this before… but it’s worth a second look.