finding balance – 75.2/366

I struggle with trying to reconnect with my mother.

There are many times when I have found her comforting and helpful, but when she delivers her scorpion stings, I recoil and am slow to return.

For example; I learned that a friend that had been diagnosed with prostate cancer just learned that they had recurrence. I was devastated by the news and tried to talk to my mother about her. her first comment was “Maybe he should have kept it in his pants.”

… sigh…

I tried to tell her  that there was no currently known link between sexual activity and prostate cancer,  that it might be a valid argument.  It was heartbreaking that she said this. When I approached her about claims made about loose women getting cervical cancer, she denied them… but here was proof that she issued thoughtless commentary at a whim. her denials seemed to be in vain after such a statement.

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This past weekend I was struggling and was wishing I felt safe enough to call her and be supported. I did not call, I did not think she would be supportive.  I mean it is entirely possible she would have been, but it was not worth the risk, I am working to hard at that staying content or happy thing. So, I never called.

Then, yesterday, she sent this article through an online messenger:

The Family Footsteps We Follow By Frank Bruni (NYT)

I am not sure what her thoughts were in sending it, but this was my comment back to her: “That was fascinating, keeping balance between support and oppression”. There was no follow-up from her.

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