The prompt today is ; “are you happy?”
The answer, once I become a cancer survivor, is different.
Yes, I am happy. If an acquaintance asks me that question, this is how I would answer.
When a very close friends asks me that, I think I might say… “I don’t really know”
I find I am trying to celebrate things more, which causes me to feel happy. That is a short-lived kind of happiness. Happiness now is tinged with a much crazier set of thoughts, darker one… related to my own mortality coupled with the inability to manage thoughts of recurrence and throw in my own and very personal need to feel like I made a difference in the world. There is a lot of fear in those that temper happiness. I am happy though. It is just very different now.