Day 10 – 40DOW – tired

I’m tired.

I am lucky.
But, I’m tired.
Part of me feels like I should want to scream.
But, I feel tired.
Another part of me wants to curl up and sleep through this… wake me up when it’s over.
I got my paperwork for the oncologist and I left it sitting on the floor by my bed.
CONQUER
CANCER
It reads.

I am curled up on my bed staring at it. 
It looks so optimistic.
Wondering if I’ll get turned away because I don’t have any “films” to bring with me, just my sad little 2 page pathology report.
Are the 18 days I had to wait going to get pushed to more.
This waiting is painful.
I’m trying to be patient.
And grateful.
And I am…
Really.
The sweet notes and efforts are so unbelievably touching.
But I’m also angry.
At myself.
And scared.
For my loved ones.
And tired.
So very, very, tired.

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