Everything I learned in Medical School – 37/40

I had wanted to be a physician for a long time, but what I did NOT want from my medical training was to get that obnoxious supreme ruler mindset that 96.8% of people with a MD or DO behind their name seem to learn (and I am being kind in my estimate).

I have no idea why I thought going to medical school in a third world country would save me from becoming a douche.

Because douchebag (hereafter DB) training started from day one!

Granted, a few of my professors were really awesome as was our dean, but some of the others… dear god, save us! I can tell you that from day one, I was being trained to believe that I knew it all (I knew I didn’t) and the DB professors did not like that I would challenge their inherent wisdom (half the time they would tell me I was wrong, only to correct me with the same exact thing I had just said). I am guessing that the professors that  I did admire appreciated my standing up for myself because I did catch them chuckling a few times when they were able to witness these exchanges. One even took me aside and said; “You know, they really are an asshole.”


This past weekend I happened to be at a scout camp-out where some parents worked their butt off and others spent too much time on their portable social telephone/mini-computer devices (yeah, I am talking about you!).

Now, thankfully this cub-scout group is a bit different from most… it is run by politically correct, granola-like, possibly confused liberal with strong libertarian tendencies… I mean we eat quinoa stews and talk about crap like no more need for gun-control (with a wee bit of the maybe thrown in). They all like the outdoors and gosh-darn it, they want to keep that!

One of the lead parents in the group is a physician life-long scout and he drives me crazy. At every single meeting I am reprimanded by him and treated like I am cub scout. He challenges parental participation, he interrupts discussion about personal healthcare issues (with a “you’re wrong, but…”).

At one point, I wanted to strangle him. But, I think I can remain content that he has absolutely made sure that I become one of those parents that sleeps while he is forced to watch after my kids and or prepare my meals or wash our collective dishes… because I thought I would strangle him when he started to get in to my whole vagina.

Let me explain. I was placed on bed-rest during my pregnancy. I received a cerclage to help protect my baby.

It was lunch time and the moms started talking about our pregnancies. One of them mentioned that her sister-in-law had experienced her bag of water coming out and I asked if she got a cerclage.  She looked confused, so I said “it is when they tie your cervix shut, and I had one and…”

The douchbag physician scout leader decides to say “Actually that is not true, there is a difference between the water and the cervix…”

Where upon I interrupted him and said “I know that. That wasn’t was I was going to say when you interrupted me.”

If looks could kill.

He said “Fine” and walked off.

I stared in disbelief that he would he not only interrupt a person who had not finished speaking, but would also tell them they are wrong before they finish making their topic statement.

He must have had a grudge about it because I kept getting snide remarks for the rest of the evening and finally at the camp-fire when kids were singing and people were talking and his wife who had not been on out hike and heard the ranger at the national park talk asked the most insanely stupid questions to see if the kids had been paying attention and asked a question that required complex inference that is way above the level of the kids present… so I answered.

He looked at me and said “Parents, let the kids answer”

I looked at him and said, they weren’t paying attention to this”.

He replied “They should have”.

The ranger actually never directly answered the question she had asked, there was way more information that had to be taken as a complex piece and theorized about in order to come to the conclusion that was need to answer the question.

So, I stood up and went to my tent because if I stayed and was the recipient of any more passive-aggressive douchbaggery I would probably turn very confrontational.

See, I deeply respect physicians but not if they carry their “I am a doctor, treat me like a god” attitude too far. Too far in this case was in to the scout troop.

He wonders why parents don’t do much, I am becoming even more convinced it is because of him.

I have pondered on if I should switch troops, but I like a lot of the parents there… he is just one in a group of many.

But boy howdy is he making the douchey doctor training I got come out in full force.

2 thoughts on “Everything I learned in Medical School – 37/40

  1. Here’s one to stymie a doctor: Why do babies colic? For six months straight?

    Yep. No answer.

    OTOH, there are some incredible physicians out there who are fantastic human beings and a joy to be around. I recall one guy on the ski patrol, who was a heart surgeon, and also an avid outdoors nut and probably one of the most humble people I’d met. He loved to ski and to patrol and you never got the feeling he was looking down on you for only holding an EMT level certification. Another was my wife’s doctor when we had our 7 month miscarriage (that’s a whole topic by itself). Again, fantastic man, in his 80s, still practicing, great sense of humor and so very knowledgeable in the field of pregnancy.

    I’m sorry that you have this one you keep running into. He sounds like he’s rife with deep-seated insecurity and has never had his malpractice insurance dinged for giving medical advice ad hoc. That might bite him, some day.


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