Daily Archives: Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Desperately searching for C.R.A.C.K. 12/40

cts of

(hat tip to my dear Doralice for the inspiration)

To say I feel like I am sinking is an understatement.

I feel pulled in so many directions with some nit-picking thrown in that I am just starting to wallow.

Aside from a very small number of people that I am very, very close to, I don’t trust anyone with anything that involves me.

I am to the point where things that would normally have irritated me just don’t matter.

I am in a state of ennui, apathy, give-uppedness… whatever.

I mentally tear myself to shreds for being a failure for any sort of random thing that really just isn’t.

I would say I was depressed, except I am not… what I feel is tired.
And I miss my son. A lot.

I need to make myself get out, take a walk around the block. Move.

I need to start looking for the one thing that makes me feel gentle (which is what I call how I feel when I am content), that is… noticing small acts of kindness.

People right now, don’t seem all that nice…

So, what have I seen that is nice? 

(:: birds chirping ::)

How about this

A smiley face, that is a happy piece of graffiti… right?

Donate to a cheese maker?

and then…

Maybe I should go put googly-eyes on something random in a public space?  

And then I should vote for my cousins band

After which I should volunteer with some of my favorite people?  

Then I should have a chat with an imperial guard?  

Or become a tragic hipster with an ironic mustache?


I could throw all my values out the window and get my lips done?

Then I could pontificate on why this kid looks like this man
(I am not Vulcan nor have I ever mated with one, but really… how?)

But, seriously, I think you should donate to the cheese maker (I did)… 
my-most-favorite-and-someone-whom-I-would-consider-to-be-the-worlds-best-cheese-monger recommends her.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

I feel better now! The smiley face worked!