Daily Archives: Saturday, March 1, 2014

An empty nest – 1/40

Currently, in the United States it is common to send your children away in certain populations… ones that come to mind are the really wealthy and the really disenfranchised (e.g. – parents in prison). I would assume that the wealthy send their kids off to boarding schools and the disenfranchised lost their kids to the courts or to other family members during their incarceration.

Registering in the village with the Mayor
So, I find myself now with an empty nest… I have moved my 9 year old to Europe to live with his grandparents and it is honestly something I struggle with. 
The weeks that led to his departure were emotionally agonizing, though that may be because of other incidentals in my life… but being with him was my priority and I kept to that pretty well (though in all honestly, not much changed because I take him everywhere with me). 
The day he left was emotionally intense, and I was saved by the need to arrange a visit to a mechanic and some official activities like withdrawing him from his school here and fighting off some form of cold.
I spent the day sleeping in his bed (around dropping off and picking up my car), his scent still lingering on his pillow… breaking in to tears that my dear Squink was not around. It was tough, and I still feel a certain pressure in my heart when I think of that first day.
Facetime with me, while Shatzy was still with him
It gets easier, and there is the new freedom to be relished, but the transition has been tough. He is 9, and a very independent 9. I have talked to him, and his words proclaiming he misses me seemed to be intoned with the thought that that is what is expected of him to say. He told me I had interrupted his game and was forced to call back later. I suppose that this is all wonderful and I am most certainly happy that he seems to be settling in so well there but the part of me that aches for him… honestly wishes he missed me a little… and then I have to think how horrid that I wish that kind of despair on him just to feel like I am  missed and loved.
Makes me feel horrid. I try to focus on the fact that his adjusting so well is a testament to my parenting, but I honestly believe that this kid was born with an independent streak… he picked when he was born, just as he has picked most of what has happened to him since.
His biggest lament when he left, one he held guardedly close was that he felt friendless. Though when pushed, he would admit to having some close ones, it was as if he wanted more. It seems that moving from a large class where cliques are present to a small class where cliques are less obvious that his wish has been granted. I hope that this perception stays with him, that he has a lot of friends.
What I know is that I miss him and that I am missing him terribly every day and that I hope he has the most wonderful time on this adventure… and that hopefully, I figure out what my adventure is in this experience.
Dealing with jet-lag when he first arrived