Monthly Archives: January 2010

What do you think has contributed to making you such a compassionate person?

I don't know that I am so compassionate, I think I tend to be quite the opposite. If I appear to be so it may be because I have lived places and seen things most people in this country have no clue even exists on this planet… but those things tend to make me more of a defender and protector than compassionate, as I tend to think of compassionate as being able to see two sides and be gracious to both. I am usually not.

Ask me anything


I took my mom to meet Schatzy, Squink and Schatzy's parents, Oma &
Opa, at the airport upon the in-laws return to Austria.

As we walk up to them in the waiting area, Squink runs up to my
mother, takes her by the hand and leads to Oma & Opa and asks;

“Nana, do you know these people?”

A letter to Squink

Dear Squink,

You turned five your last birthday. You have become a little boy, and are so grown up with a generous spirit and a very kind heart. I don’t know where you got it from, but I am blessed to have you there to remind me to be a nicer person.

Five years ago, in the week before you were born… I was laid up in a hospital infuriating some doctors with my stubborn refusal to be induced earlier than I was ready for. However, the news at that time has in a way haunted me… I was in a luxurious first world hospital taken care of by the most amazing set of nurses and doctors (yes, even the one who I upset so much he never came back to visit me) while clear across the world were earthquakes causing horrendous devastation. I remember on the morning of your birth, before I knew when I would be taken to the delivery room… I was reading about them, unaware that the worst was yet to come.

Of course, I had the news on my lap top which was my third most constant companion following very closely behind your father and your Nana. As I read about the damage that they were anticipating I suddenly realized that mothers were going to lose their babies and that babies were going to lose their mommies… and of all the crazy moments I had with you during my pregnancy with you, this one was the single dark moment that has haunted me these past five years. I stopped reading that news… I could not continue.

So today, I happened upon a pictorial essay about that event five years ago… and I started crying when I realized how:

  1. Right I had been about those mommies and babies losing each other
  2. I had failed to follow up on this story because it had upset me so
  3. How lucky I still am that you are alive, and well, and an incredible little boy.

Here is a link to those pictures I saw today, I don’t know if it will be around when you are old enough to find this space and read about the most randomest of things to pass since just before you were born. But I am sure you can look up the Indonesian Tsunami and particularly Baby 81… realize that there were many, many more… and that there were mommies who lost their babies too. Honey, we are so blessed!

Someday, I would like to take you there so we can see what remains of that fateful time when you were born.

I love you Squink!